When I was 12 years old and felt virtually friendless, I picked up a copy of Dale Carnegie’s How to Win Friends and Influence People. Yes, I was a nerd, but I have always gone to books for answers, and as a shy and awkward kid I needed a strategy to succeed. I don’t remember it helping very much, the other kids probably saw right through my rehearsed questions, but in reading an article the other day that mentioned this book, the principles it talks about are still incredibly useful. This simple book was written in 1936 and has sold more than 30 million copies.
Here are three key principles from the book that have always resonated with me:
- People care more about what they want than about what you want. And this makes sense if you think about it. Selling people on an idea and influencing people to make a smart decision always needs to come from what matters to them. When you can help them accomplish what they need or want, they’ll listen.
- People need to feel important. It’s kind of at the root of our humanness, the need to stand out, to be noticed, to be acknowledged for something. It’s what drives people to do dreadful things or take great risks, all so they will be distinguished from everyone else and be perceived unique. And how easy it is to notice people, to call attention to what they’re doing right, to appreciate them in front of others, and to just pay attention to the old acronym: MMFI, Make Me Feel Important.
- People are often angry or frustrated when they feel unheard. That’s why using empathy, acknowledging what someone is saying or needing or feeling, is an incredibly important step in helping people feel validated and respected. Great leaders always work through their people, and it starts with helping people feel worthy.
