| Do you work with a great boss who never tells you what a good job you’ve done because he/she doesn’t realize it matters? Are you in a relationship with someone who thinks actions speak louder than words so you never get gifts for your birthday but they will fix anything or do anything you need? Asking for what you need, in a smart, respectful way, may sometimes be incredibly important and can always be difficult. It may sound pretty minor, but if needs aren’t spoken and addressed, they may fester, get blown all out of proportion and can cause a lot of discomfort. And typically, this is even more important in a business environment. If we don’t help people state needs clearly and respectfully, there is a continuous undercurrent of frustration that can sometimes blossom into major issues. Now personally I hate to ask. So, imagine my embarrassment the other day when at the end of a kayaking trip, I couldn’t get out of the boat. I have knee surgery in my future but still, asking seemed impossible until, after struggling, I realized I was in trouble. Then a man who was just getting into his kayak offered to help. As he took my arm he said “It takes courage to ask for help.” And when I thanked him, he said “It was a privilege.” My first thought, what planet is he from and someone raised him right. The second, how incredibly hard it was for me to ask. I’ve been raised to fend for myself, and with the mindset that asking is obviously a sign of weakness. This not only keeps me (all of us) from getting the help we need but takes away from others the privilege of helping. Let’s create a culture that encourages asking as well as an environment of psychological safety. Think about where you can, respectfully, start to ask for what you want and need. Regardless of the outcome you’ll feel empowered that you stopped waiting and started taking control of what really matters to you. And it offers a model of courage others can emulate. |
