It had been a really long day and now we’d been waiting for our check at the restaurant for quite a while. Not the waiter’s fault since the place was buzzing and there definitely wasn’t enough wait staff. I was ready to go ask (nicely) for the check, and I was in a heated argument with the person across the table from me on why this was unacceptable behavior.
I know better than getting myself in a predicament where I’m not in control of my emotions, and yet here it was beginning to happen. I could feel myself tensing and becoming defensive. For me, actually losing control of a situation (stuck at a table for eight in a wildly busy restaurant with no estimate of when we can leave) is at the top of my lose-control lever. Of course, in the general scheme of things the above scenario is incredibly minor, but for me it was indicative of which buttons can be pushed, what preceded my reaction that should have set off internal alarms, and how I can take steps to ensure it doesn’t happen again. With awareness comes choices in behavior.
We did leave, friendship intact, but it was a good lesson for me to do the following:
- Pay attention to what I was feeling prior to arriving at the restaurant and getting into the scenario
- What could I have respectfully communicated so I wouldn’t get in an out-of-control situation
- What could I learn about my beliefs and past reactions that helped trigger my reaction and how could I have had the awareness to change directions sooner
Think about what pushes you to react and if you’re aware enough (as I wasn’t) to cautiously examine what precedes your reaction. For example, if someone going on for 20 minutes about a personal issue in the middle of a meeting drives you crazy, someone not prepared as they said they would be, or any number of issues that can cloud your ability to be objective and park your emotion at the door, then learn from my lesson.
As author Stephen Covey said, we carry our weather with us. Either we can create a virtual storm of negative energy that forces everyone to be uncomfortable, or we can luxuriate in a Bahama breeze, regardless of the antics or challenges around us. Amazing the power we have, isn’t it?
