“I am not what happened to me. I am what I choose to become.” Carl Jung
Author Chris Voss, in his great book Never Split the Difference, talks about his favorite F word: Fair. He explains companies can often use it in negative, manipulative ways, but there are two examples he uses that I’d like to share with you.
First, if you’re negotiating with someone and they get upset, he says he steps back, takes a deep breath and says “Okay I apologize. Let’s stop everything and go back to where I started treating you unfairly and we’ll fix it.”
And to set the stage for honest and empathetic negotiations he explains that early in any negotiation he says “I want you to feel like you are being treated fairly at all times. So please stop me at any time if you feel I’m being unfair and we’ll address it.”
All of us need to feel like we’re being treated fairly, and it’s easy to bristle and take offense if we feel as if we aren’t. So, this simple use of the word “fair” is excellent in giving feedback and in many other instances. It lays the groundwork for honest, open communication and may uncover hidden frustrations or concerns as well as a variety of other unknowns. A good idea to keep in your communication tool kit.
