She was just so exhausting that by the time the weekend was over my daughter and I just wanted quiet and solitude. My daughter turned to me after we’d left her and said, “Now do you see why I think you’re so pushy.”
What she was talking about was my style in DISC; I’m a D. And as a D I tend to be short, to the point and push people the direction I want them to go. And we had just spent the weekend with a friend of mine who was a D on steroids.
I’m guessing everyone who is reading this knows the DISC assessment, but what I’d like to share with you is so often when I’m teaching it, I run into people whose companies have brought someone in to do the profile, and then they put a little placard by everyone’s office door explaining how to treat that person when you walk in, and that’s it.
Understanding how someone prefers to be treated, whether it’s motivating that person, explaining something to that person, or just learning how they want to get an email, is more than rote memory. It’s realizing first that people change, and no one should have an imaginary letter plastered on their forehead. Instead realize people have preferences, and we need to get our own egos out of the way in order to become a chameleon and step into that person’s preferred style every time we communicate.
You don’t have to adapat, but if you don’t you’re giving yourself more work, more headaches and it will take longer to get what you need.
So, a quick reminder:
If you’re working with a D (those who want to Dominate the conversation) then be brief and be gone. Use your QTIP acronym, Quit Taking It Personally, and think before you open your mouth. Talk in bullets, avoid emotion and remember not to waste their time or take away their control.
If you’re working with an I (those who want to Influence the conversation) remember to be friendly, avoid lots of detail, and give them a variety of interesting things to do. Be sure their work involves being around people (where they get all their energy) and praise them loudly in front of everyone.
If you’re working with an S (those who are Steady and want to quietly support others) remember to keep them psychologically safe, give them advance notice when you need them to speak, teach them to set boundaries, and encourage them to say no.
If you’re working with a C (those who are Conscientious and want everything in writing) give them pounds of documentation, be prepared, deal in facts and not emotion, and realize sometimes you’ll have to force them to move on since they are perfectionists and nothing is ever good enough.
Obviously, I’ve discussed each style in extremes, but knowing your audience is crucial, and knowing yourself and how to let go of any tendencies that get in the way of communicating effectively with others, is important in being a charismatic and inclusive leader.
