In order to really work effectively with people, it’s essential to understand what they’re feeling. And a simplistic and unique way to pay more attention to the nuances of others’ feelings is to name their emotion. Not out loud, of course, but to yourself.
Example, you ask a co-worker for something and she is snappy. It’s very easy to think she’s unpleasant, childish, grumpy or any number of other labels. But, what about naming her emotion instead. What if you really work on reading her emotion and labelling it stressed, or upset, or worried. When we can see past our own frustration to what someone is feeling, it’s easier to have a greater tolerance or understanding for the person we’re relating to. Doing this simple exercise can change the entire dynamics of a situation.
I’ve used this over and over again to get past my natural tendency to judge, and to be able to naturally relate better to others. On a plane recently I sat next to a person who I labelled agitated. Did I know I was right? Of course not, but it helped me to be more tolerant, regardless. And a woman who attended a fund raiser I held recently that came across strange (would take too long to explain) and I labelled her insecure, and it was easier to be kind to her during the evening.
Try it. For the next 24 hours pay attention to those around you and secretly name what you think their emotions are. It’s fascinating, interesting and more importantly, this exercise helps us get past our own frustration to a deeper level of tolerance and understanding, which naturally leads to an environment of trust and acceptance.
