The little girl, wearing a fancy white dress, was in a restaurant with her dad. When her chocolate soda came, her dad warned her to remember not to blow on the straw because the chocolate would bubble up and could ruin her dress. Can you guess what she did? Her dad had actually programmed her to blow on the straw when he warned her not to. Our minds don’t hear the negative, they only hear the command.
People respond more effectively to positives, not negatives. And while the little girl blew on the straw by mistake, when we tell people not to do something, sometime it piques their interest in doing the opposite. When I was young, I was admonished by my dad not to do something. Now I had no interest in doing that something until he forbade me to do it, and then I started thinking about it.
Have you ever said to yourself, “Whatever I do, I can’t spill anything on this tie before the meeting,” or “I can’t act nervous when I meet that person” and then we seem to create what we don’t want to do. Telling ourselves or others what not to do sets up a scenario to make it happen.
Bottom-line, think of how you communicate to your staff, team, department, family. Flip “Don’t be late this morning” to “Remember to come in five minutes early.” “Don’t interrupt her in that meeting” to “Be sure and let her finish when she’s speaking.” “We can’t mess this up people,” to “Let’s do a great job on this project.”
And of course, it’s a common fact that we gravitate to people whose language is positive. It just makes sense that we feel better around these people, and consequently will respond more effectively to what they’re saying or asking us to do.
