He wags his tail all the time, even while sleeping. His happy attitude is not contingent on treats, toys,
praise or fun, he’s just a consummate tailwagger. He’s a canine optimist, who knows whatever happens
at any given moment will be good.
And this philosophy, according to best-selling author Michael Singer, is something we can all possess
when we allow our every-day frustrations and annoyances to simply pass through us, instead of holding
onto them.
What Singer points out is that all of us seem to be hard-wired to need people and situations to fit our
specific belief system of right and wrong. And, when any one thing isn’t following according to plan, it
upsets our entire order. Meaning, when someone misbehaves (according to our standards), we feel
angry, depressed or frustrated, and these emotions will sap our energy and joy.
Let me give you an example. Say I’m driving to run errands and my first errand is to stop by the grocery
for a couple of items. But, the cars in front of me don’t move because someone is waiting for a driver to
pull out so they can have an ideal parking spot. “What a jerk” my psyche wants to say. “I would never be
so inconsiderate.” I dash in the store and someone exits through the entrance. “What a dunce, she
should follow the rules and go out the correct way” I think. I get in the ten-or-less-item line and a
woman in front of me has at least 20 items. “She is so inconsiderate,” I think. “It is obviously all about
her, or she wouldn’t have gotten in this line”, I mutter to myself.
Only three examples. Probably in a period of five minutes, but if I give them credence and energy, they
can wreck my morning. Those are all real scenarios, and each time I had to remind myself that Singer
says I have a choice. I can forget the world doesn’t run according to Jennifer and choose to let these
situations upset me and take away my energy. Or, I can step back, watch myself start to huff and puff
and get annoyed, and tell myself I would have handled each of those scenarios differently, but I’m not
going to let any of them ruin my day, or even upset me.
Negative bias is defined as paying more attention to the negative than the positive in our everyday lives.
We probably all know someone who doesn’t mind reminding us on a daily basis of all that is going
wrong. When we focus on the negative– and it’s really easy to do– it robs us of our energy. Remember
(I say it often I know), happiness is a skill and a choice.
It’s easy for all of us to get upset when others don’t play or work according to our rules, but choosing to
allow our discomfort to slide off of us like Teflon, or just pass through us, will do wonders for our energy
and peace of mind. It will take work, and I don’t know if I’ll ever do it as easily and with such grace as
Merlin, my obsessive tail-wagging cocker does, but I like his attitude and style, and it’s definitely worth
the effort.
