Have you ever gotten in the way of your own success? Years ago, when I lived in Manhattan, my NSA (National Speaker’s Association) chapter voted me their representative at a national speech contest. As I prepared for the speech my ego kept reminding me I had to be the best, while the crowd of critics in my head kept reminding me I’d probably blow it anyway, I couldn’t possibly win. With all this self-dialogue going on it’s no surprise I bombed. And after getting over the humiliation, I realized I had learned two really valuable lessons.
Lesson one: When we put ego above content or results, we’re asking for trouble. Never again have I worried about being liked or getting standing ovations, I worry about making sure I’m delivering information in the best way for people to get it.
Lesson two: I’ve learned the chorus in my head represents old ideas that no longer apply to me. We are conditioned to think negatively, but that doesn’t mean it’s our reality. Awareness and knowledge are powerful agents for change. Once we realize what we’re telling ourselves is habit, not fact, it’s much easier to dismiss the messages and focus on what we can do.
The one additional thing I took from my experience was the marked difference between ego and confidence. Ego kept me locked in fear of not being good enough, confidence helped me believe in my worth, ignore the inner critics, and focus on the outcome. Author Wayne Dyer reminded us “Change the way you look at things and the things you look at change.”
