She was absolutely wrong regarding when we were having our phone meeting (I went back and double
checked) and it took all my control not to send her an email to prove it. My ego was begging me to show
her I was right.
And there’s this person in my life who has radically different views on a topic, and every time we
stumble upon that topic there’s tension and discomfort and I can’t wait until we can veer away from it,
or I can change the subject. Then the other day I decided this Grand-Canyon size gap is never going
away. So instead of immediately becoming defensive I asked genuine questions, “Help me understand
why you feel this way,” and “Tell me more.” Granted from my perspective he is biased, but as soon as I
started asking with genuine curiosity (instead of trying to shut him up) his tone softened and I actually
learned something.
Did you ever stop to think that the people who are causing you challenges right now, or seem to be
getting in your way, might be there for a reason? Often if you keep having issues with someone, there’s
a lesson to learn that can help you be even more effective than you already are. And it starts with
getting judgment out of the way and deciding to listen.
I recently taught a two-day class in Atlanta and participants were talking about the roadblocks they’d
encountered because of difficult individuals in their lives. To a person they explained that once they
learned how to work with or handle a particularly challenging individual, they felt stronger and more
confident, even though they would have preferred an easier way to learn the lesson.
When we can decide to make a habit of pausing before we react, letting others feel they are right (if it
doesn’t impact our integrity), and really focus on understanding another’s point of view, even when it’s
completely contrary to our own, then we are on our way to living a life with less ulcers, more energy and
an efficiency that lets us get things done with and through people, instead of against them. It’s a much
smarter strategy.
